just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
