home. puking in laundry basket.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
