I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
jump out the window naked night went bad
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