he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just cropdusted the office
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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