I bet he comes in French.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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