I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
