Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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