I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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