Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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