If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im holly from the hills drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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