Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
