did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
MIDGETS
????
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
