Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
