come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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