i can't believe i had my finger in that
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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