If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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