Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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