Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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