We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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