So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
