dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
