they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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