actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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