I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
