First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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