if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
