Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
