1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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