my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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