I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love having hate sex.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
