Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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