Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
