I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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