I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
