ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
PANTIES FOUND
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
