I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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