Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
