How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
