At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
