How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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