Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
