just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
