i already hear my dad disowning me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
