Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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