they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
