Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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