Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
