Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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