we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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