I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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