no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
