Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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