Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
