I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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