I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
