im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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