At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know her cup size but not her name....
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