Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
