Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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