im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
