I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My life is pants optional.
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