what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
