ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
