I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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