The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Farmville is her only friend.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
