Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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