First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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