He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
