great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
