I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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