its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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