dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
