apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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