don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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