Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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