$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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