this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
