I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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