she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
