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So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
