Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
