just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
