we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize