he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i think my cat just said my name.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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