The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
